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Allan Sherman – Good Advice Lyrics


Allan Sherman – Good Advice Lyrics

 +Good Advice

I know a man named Otis who invented a room

And his heart was filled with pride

I said to Mr. Otis, “What does your room do?”

He said, “It goes from side to side.”

So I said, “Mr. Otis, if you take my advice

You’ll be the richest man in town

You gotta take that room that goes from side to side

And make it go up and down.”

And that was good advice, good advice

Good advice costs nothing, and it’s worth the price

I sincerely doubt

That the world could do without

My good advice

Sir Isaac Newton came around to my house one day

His face was all sunburned and red

He said he didn’t want to sleep in the shade of a tree

Because an apple might fall on his head

I said, “Sir Isaac, you dumbbell, take my advice

Go right back there and sleep beneath that tree

And if you let that rotten apple fall down on your head

Why you’ll discover gravity.”

And that was good advice, good advice

Good advice costs nothing, and it’s worth the price

The world’s a better place

Since I gave the human race

My good advice

A man named Mr. Waterman invented a tube

He was sad because it sprung a little leak

He said, “Darn it, when I hold my tube on a piece of paper

The ink leaks out and makes a little streak.”

He said, “I’ve gotta find a way to stop that leak

I’ll start working on my leakproof tube again.”

I said, “Waterman, you idiot, don’t stop that leak

You just invented a fountain pen.”

And that was good advice, good advice

Good advice costs nothing, and it’s worth the price

I’m so worldly wise

I should get the Nobel Prize

For good advice

Good old Henry Ford, he was a hardworking man

He worked all night and all day

I said, “Henry, watcha doin’?”

And Henry, he said, “I’m inventing the Chevrolet.”

He said, “I’ve already built twenty-five models

One for each letter from A to Z.”

I said, “Henry, you fool, there are twenty-six letters in the alphabet

He said, “Good heavens, I forgot the Model T.”

And that was good advice, good advice

Good advice costs nothing, and it’s worth the price

It’s fruitful as can be

And it’s absolutely free

My good advice

Wilbur and Orville were two brothers named Wright

The nicest pair of kids you’ve ever seen

They worked twelve years on a secret project

They thought it was a washing machine

I said, “Fellas, what are all those wings for?”

They said, “For hanging clothes out to dry.”

I said, “You fools, take that washing machine out to Kitty Hawk

And see if the darn thing’ll fly.”

And that was good advice, good advice


Good advice costs nothing, and it’s worth the price

I’m so smart that I’m

Gonna win a Guggenheim

For good advice

(One more time)

Benjamin Franklin was a charming old man

He was always flying his kite

One night I said, “Benjy, why ain’t you out with your kite?”

He said, “Because it’s raining tonight.”

I said, “Benjy, sweety, you go right back out there

And to your kite string tie a key

This may shock you, Benjy my boy

But that’s electricity.”

And that was good advice, good advice

Good advice costs nothing, and it’s worth the price

I’ll be fond of you

If you’ll only listen to

My good advice

Ooga Magoog was a Neanderthal man

A very poorly educated soul

He had a great big square thing made of solid stone

And in the middle of it was a hole

One day he had to go from his cave in Natchez

To his uncle’s cave in Mobile

I said, “Round off those corners

And buy a set of tires

And Ooky baby, that’s a wheel.”

And that was good advice, good advice

Good advice costs nothing, and it’s worth the price

Harvard offered me

A Phi Beta Kappa key

For good advice

Sigmund Freud, he had an unfurnished house

He was a very nosy fellow, so it seems

He had no chairs

So he made all his friends stand around all day

And tell him all their secrets and their dreams

Well, while they stood there talking ’till they got fallen arches

They yelled, “My feet are killing me. Ouch!”

I said, “Sigmund, don’t you realize you’ve got a gold mine here

Go out and buy yourself a leather couch.”

And that was good advice, good advice

Good advice costs nothing, and it’s worth the price

Every word you’re told

Will be 18 karat gold

That’s good advice

Alexander Graham Bell was building a fence

With some wood, and a long piece of wire

He said, “There’s something strange going on around here

I keep hearing the voice of Uncle Myer.”

I said, “Mr. Graham Cracker,” (that was my little joke)

“With that wire you got the world in your palm

Just get a mouthpiece, and an earpiece, and a piece in between

And you’ll sponsor The Telephone Hour.”

And that was good advice, good advice

Good advice costs nothing, and it’s worth the price

Every word ya hear

Is the message of the year

It’s good advice

Christopher Columbus was a seaman second class

When I told him that the Indies could be found

By sailing to the West instead of sailing to the East

I advised him that I thought the world was round

(I really thought so.)

And then I sent him down to ask good Queen Isabella

To pawn her jewels for all their worth

Next day he set sail, and as everyone knows

He fell off the edge of the Earth

And that was bad advice, bad advice

Bad advice is just the same as good advice

Everybody makes

Occasional mistakes

And that was bad advice


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