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Yard Act – The Incident Lyrics

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I was instrumental in creating the company

A founding father of the movement, some say

Had A hundred youngsters under my guidance

At any one time

Willing to learn, eager to please

And salaried with the implicit threat of instant dismissal

all legal mind, meagre scraps for tender prey

But everybody gotta learn sometime and you learn that hard way,

In the bustling hive of activity known as my holy global enterprise

Feed me, my mind is greedy, massage my ego

And read to me, slow stories from my youth

Like the Beano, colonial overtones, I know, but so what

I like the plot and the way the colours pop from the page

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Don’t have to justify my rage, being a hypocriteDoes not devalue the merit of the accusations made

Everybodys got dirt on everybody else in this day and age, mind

We’ve created rules that you can’t find in the book

A different type of prison for a brand new type of crook


I look good, dead good, too good, good for my age

But if I’m not on the receiving end of never ending compliments

my thinking implement is bound to be, in a constant state of discontent

And I’m hellbent on expanding my heaven sent empire, ethically

But not at my own expense no!

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Peaking through the hole in the neighbour’s fence

It all looks pretty good

Just don’t look under the hood,

The engine is completely caked in snake oil and old mud

I Need something new to perk me up, because

If I’m not pumped up, I’m impotent, I’m dead wood

And we don’t want a repeat of the same thing happening again

I want to be relevant, I don’t want to be a dud

We’ve created rules that you can’t find in the book

A different type of prison for a brand new type of crook

Ever since the incident, my complete incompetence

Has been exposed to everyone and rendered me irrelevant

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I’m irrelevant

I’m irrelevant

I’m irrelevant

I’m irrelevant


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